Two Shall Become One

We became one flesh through marriage in September 1987. Then, wrenched apart through death in September 2020. Is it any wonder I feel as though I've received an amputation? No longer a whole person, half of me is missing. That's how I felt as I sat alone at the gate waiting for my first flight as a widow. Curt wasn't there to listen for the call to board. I had to look out for myself. He was no longer there for me to talk to or reminisce with. I looked at all those around me. Everyone a stranger. It was no different than all the times Curt and I traveled, except we had each other. Come what may, we were together. Whenever our eyes met in a crowded airport, a warmth of familiarity and intimacy enveloped us. Now I stood alone. . .and, oh, the loneliness.

“Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until this violent storm is past. I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me. He will send help from heaven to save me… My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness."

Psalm 57:1-3 NLT

I'm not alone. When the pain of my "amputation" becomes too great, God reminds me that he is with me. It's not an empty promise. As I turn my thoughts toward God, I begin to see life in light of eternity. Real-life will start when we reach the next life. This earth is temporary. Most things we experience here won't last beyond death. My grief won't last forever either. But I'm still on this earth and, right now, grief is painful. I need God's help to get through it. "God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5 NIV) He didn't lie. So when my heart aches as it often does, I purpose to set my eyes on Him again. Practicing this is increasing my understanding of who He is and all He wants to be for me if I will allow it. Yes, I do allow it. I long for Him. He isn't just my better half—He's my everything.

"We give attention to our grief today, but we ask for your help to redirect that attention to the hope that we have in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It’s hard to say goodbye because that was never your original intention. We were not created for separation, and this is our struggle. But you have come that we might have life. You are greater than our grief. Today we are sad, but soon we will be glad, as our hope overshadows the sting of death."

Curt Dalaba

“The Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

Psalm 32:10

Yesterday, a motorcyclist revved his engine outside the open window of my daughter's apartment. My one-year-old granddaughter ran to me and looked wide-eyed toward the window, clearly fearful of the noise. I lifted her into my arms. She snuggled against my chest, placing her soft curls beneath my chin. No tears escaped. She was safe. And I enjoyed her trust. Eventually, the noise faded away. Oh, how the Lord is pleased when we trust Him like that. In His arms, striving ceases, and I surrender my will.

Will my soul ever cease to praise?
My heart its banner ever raise?
God, the center of devotion
Inhabiting every single motion
Of faith-filled hearts aglow
Yearning always just to know...
The gaze of His great love.

Curt Dalaba
©April 1, 2005


Anneliese Dalaba

January 19, 2022